Women in Law Firms: II

Cat, I'm so glad you wrote your last post! The lovely ladies over at Ms. JD have talked about the issue of "to ring or not to ring" before, and it's amazing to me just how stark the difference was in how you were treated across different interviews. As far as I know, none of my engaged/married female friends here took off their ring while interviewing...but I think you raise a good point about how, given that you took your ring off eventually [and took a job where you didn't initially wear your ring], you might/might not be expected to "keep up appearances" that you're somehow some young, unattached female associate. Obviously, your summer firm will probably have events where your (amazing!) S.O. will be invited...and presumably, he'll want to go to at least a couple! But hopefully, your firm will realize that your work product matters more than your relationship status.

I guess I should feel lucky not to have had to make the "ring or no ring" decision, but I definitely had a couple of my own awkward "this is only happening to me because I'm a woman" moments during the interviewing process. At one callback, a mid-level associate vented to me about how her chosen practice area meant lots of long nights and not much flexibility to start having a family right now. I appreciated her honesty, but I don't think she would have shared the same "my biological clock is ticking!" horror stories with a man.

At another callback (admittedly, in a smaller Midwestern market....so take that for what you will), three different women tried to sell me on the firm by saying that it was a great lifestyle firm, that their hours were reasonable, and that the firm was really supportive of flexible work arrangements and going part-time, even for those on a partner track. All of this was lovely to hear, of course, and they're things I care about - but they were not things that I asked about. The women seemed to just assume that as a woman, I'd want to weigh them as serious considerations. Again, I appreciated their almost "big sister" approach, but I question whether I would have received the same treatment (or had more "down to business" conversations) had I been a man...or if the two of them who met their husbands while working at the firm would have mentioned that, either.

Of course, there's a fine line to walk...I sincerely appreciate that law firms are trying to be more lifestyle-friendly in ways that will help to address some of the problems that have kept women from staying/rising to the top in the past; but I also hope that those measures are being adopted to help women and men alike to have more balanced lifestyles, and that women aren't automatically being written off as unlikely to work hard to make partner, etc. It's nice that accommodations are there should we choose to take advantage of them, but it's important to make sure that choice is ours, not theirs.